Sorry I have been so inactive on this blog recently. Have been translating the Social Fitness Model into a model that can be used in business for conducting courageous conversations related to ethics and to the way people are treated. For example, if you see a team-mate being put down by another colleague you have a chance to speak up on behalf of your values using the Social Fitness Model. You can check out some of the first uses at www.heroicimagination.org.

I have also been studying and incorporating aspects of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Compassion Focused Therapy into my Social Fitness Model for working with shyness and social anxiety in groups and with individuals.

What I want to do today, however, is recommend an article to you written by Susan Cain that appeared in the NY Times opinion section on September 15th. It is called, “Must Great Leaders be Gregarious?” Her answer is very similar to mine in my Shy Leaders Study, where the resounding answer is NO. She finds, as I did, and according to Jim Collins, who studied the best-performing companies going through intense change in the late 20th century, these companies were all led by CEO’s who were known for their intense determination, will, and dedication, and were also described as “reserved” and “shy”. Shyness and introversion are correlated, and it may be that, just as shyness is inappropriately negatively stereotyped in our culture, so is introversion. In fact, negatively stereotyping introversion may lead to problematic shyness, that is, a tendency to inhibit yourself because of a concern that you will be judged negatively. Susan uses a great example, this time a former Marine commandant. She also wrote a great book that I may have mentioned to you before, called “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking.”

Check out the article. I’d love to hear your comments. It will help me get back to interviewing more shy leaders!

p.s. Good grief, I noticed that my last blog also referred to an article of hers. I really do need to get back to the shy leaders study. I want all of you who want to lead to do so, based on your values and what you care about. I believe it is the most powerful kind of leadership.

An article appeared in the New York Times on June 25th, 2011, called Shyness: Evolutionary Tactic? by Susan Cain. It is another in a series of great articles drawing attention to the strengths of shyness and a shy temperament, what the author describes as a “careful, sensitive temperament.” I want to draw it to your attention because the article is a piece in a growing number of articles and books that debunk ordinary shyness as a mental disorder and mentions again the role that pharmaceutical companies played in the 1990’s in pathologizing shyess in order to sell SSRI’s. Remember Christopher Lane’s book, Shyness, How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness. If you haven’t read it, it is a great book. Apparently Susan Cain has a book coming out as well on introversion, which is often associated with shyness.

I use Social fitness, too, as an evolutionary metaphor, also based on the idea that shyness is adaptive, and thus has survived. We all have temperaments to manage, with different strengths and vulnerabilities, and, because social interaction is negotiated between people there is not one set of perfect social skills either. We learn by accepting each other as we are and giving each other feedback about what works well for us in social interaction and what we can do to make our interactions better. I have long believed that shyness is a valuable trait, given my experience at the Shyness Clinic where I observed so much adaptive, considerate, thoughtful behavior toward each other in groups. Clients would tell me they needed to learn social skills, but when they weren’t nervous and distracted by automatic thoughts, or very concerned about being negatively evaluated, most showed highly skilled behavior.

Given that only around 2% of college students say that they have never experienced shyness, and between 50% and 60% say they are shy currently (see Bernie Carducci’s research) it certainly seems that shyness would qualify as an adaptive trait. In fact, I believe, along with many emotion theorists, that shyness is a basic human emotion, a blend of fear and interest, that we all experience. I also think that because human vulnerability is finally becoming a topic that is more openly discussed in the U.S., and because we are beginning to accept the idea that we all are shy sometimes, particularly when things are important to us, and that we cannot be intimate if we are not vulnerable, that we all may begin to be able to disarm and truly value and appreciate each other.

Have a good day!

Dear Visitors,

I am looking for stories about people in your community who are known to be outstanding leaders who are also shy. I am collecting them for a research project. If you are a shy leader I would also be happy to hear about you. If you know a shy leader or if you are a shy leader, please email me at clinic@shyness.com. You can also post any stories about shy leaders here.

Thanks very much for your help!
Lynne Henderson